Humbly Courageous

Hello and welcome back to another blog! GRIT, what does that word mean to you when you hear it? The first thought that comes to mind for me is ceaselessly digging deep. Is it ok to say of yourself...I would use the word grit to define myself? I think so! I think grit is what helps us survive in this life. Without it, what would we really be? For some I think it’s required from the beginning to survive, for others I think it’s something that suddenly is needed to survive. Either way, I think it’s in us all. It’s when and how we choose to tap into it that it takes on it’s true meaning within us.  My dad and me G.R.I.T.    Guts, resilience, initiative, tenacity. These are all words that for me have been in my being from the beginning. Not because I wanted them to be, but because to survive I had to possess these qualities. Not because I think I’m so great, but because I had to find a way around a lifelong physical disability in order to live well.  Guts…this is one for ...

Hello and welcome back to another blog! Thanks for being here. I recently came across something I wrote down that I heard a speaker say last year at my church.  He said, “when we find the intersection of what breaks God’s heart, and what breaks our heart, we then find God’s mission for us.  Muscular dystrophy breaks my heart. At any given point in a day, I could probably just stop and sob if I think about all MD has robbed me of, and has for 47 years. My whole life. It tries its best to hold me back daily. My mind longs to do SO much that I cannot accomplish in my weakened body. My drive is strong, my body is not.  I’ve really come to love and respect this scooter! It breaks my heart, it does. It breaks my heart to see all of my fellow MD warriors fighting battles way bigger than mine. I think it breaks God’s heart too. So, therein lies my mission. My mission is Muscular Dystrophy. My mission is making the best of what I have, and helping others along the way that need to...

Hello and welcome back! I always get a look of shock when I tell people I went to 4 different colleges. I jokingly like to refer to my time in college as the Indiana college tour. Kind of holds some truth to it. Sit back, relax and enjoy the tour…. My first acceptance was to Purdue University. I was excited to gain acceptance into such a great school even though I had pretty much bombed the SAT…standardized tests and I don’t go together. I was kind of surprised that I got accepted because my high school counselor had in a nutshell told me that I just wasn’t smart, and likely had a learning disability. What he based that on I’m not sure. I think he assumed because I was physically disabled, I also had a learning disability. I will give it to him that I was terrible at Algebra, but even if I did have a learning disability (which I didn’t), that or a physical disability was not a reason not to attend college if that’s what I desired to do! My main goal heading into college was to go into ...

Hello and welcome back! I used to spend a lot of time daydreaming about what it would be like to live in a non- disabled body. I would envision myself as walking without a limp, running, running up stairs, heck just climbing stairs easily! I would think, how nice would it be to be able to rise in the morning and step out of bed barefoot and not feel a thing? No worries about what would physically happen. Just feel carefree. I find that since I’ve embraced my whole self more, and become more open, I don’t “daydream” about those things as often. Sure, I still think about them from time to time, but I don’t spend much time longing for those things like I used to. I find that I’m allowing myself to enjoy the challenges a little more. I feel much more accomplished when I am able to do simple tasks that others may take for granted. I’m proud of myself for the amount of tasks and duties I can accomplish in a day. I like to reflect on everything I did at the end of my day. It’s not that I don’...

Hello, and welcome back! You know that point when you are climbing a hill, and you are at the spot that feels the hardest? The part where you think, wow this is steep I’m just not sure I can get to the top. That’s how it feels to live with muscle weakness. You are constantly in that place, the one that feels the hardest. The one where you question how will I do this, it’s so steep? You think, I want to turn back, but you can’t. You have to keep climbing because it’s the only way.  I struggle with describing muscle weakness. The type that I feel. In the past I’ve used words like heavy, or suffocating, scary, and while all those are certainly accurate, I still feel like they don’t truly depict what it’s like.  As I was leaving church last week, we were walking out. It’s in an auditorium, and we had been at the bottom. There is a ramp on the lower level that you walk up to exit. As I was walking up it, holding onto Jamie, I got to that spot, and I thought to myself, this is what ...

Hello and welcome back! Do you ever struggle with that inner voice, the one that tells you that you aren't good enough, or you’re not keeping up, or everyone else is so far ahead of you and achieving all these things, and you will never get there? Of course you probably do. I think we all struggle with that. We are human.  This is the 38th blog post I have written. I go through these periods as I have mentioned before of why am I even doing this? What in the world does a 47 year old woman living with Muscular Dystrophy have to offer or say that even MATTERS??!! Turns out, a lot I guess.  Every time I think of hanging this up, whatever this even is.....I get a message, I kid you not every time, from someone telling me that because of what I am doing it's helping them. So what right? One person, you are doing all this work for one person? Maybe some weeks I am, and other blogs like last week's blog, really got a lot of traction. In the end, it really doesn't matter if it...

Hello and welcome back! Do you ever allow yourself to deeply weep? It could be the result of something good or bad that causes the deep weep, or it could just be an overwhelming sense of gratitude when you reflect on how far God has carried you, and all you have been through in your life. I don’t often deeply weep because it feels out of control to me, and I like to be in control to a fault, no doubt. However, sometimes strong emotions just take over and you should let them pass through.  This past weekend most definitely will go down in my memories as one of the the best moments of my life. My dear sister, along with the help of my husband and my cousin arranged a glorious surprise for this year’s muscle walk for MDA! It really was a dream come true just seeing all who showed up to support me. I did cry when they surprised me, but those were baby happy tears! It wasn’t until a few days later when I was looking back on the pictures when the deep weep hit me. All those people who we...