Humbly Courageous

Hello and welcome to a new week at Humbly Courageous. I am glad you are here.  I wonder if my children will ever grasp the truth that watching them run has healed my hurts from never being able to run? Or, all that watching them run has taught me. Not their job, but it’s what happened. God knew the next best thing would be for me to watch my children run. What a beautiful thing it is.  When you have children, you think about all you will teach them. Sometimes you even stress about what you need to teach them in the time you have with them under your roof. It can seem overwhelming when thinking too far ahead. One thing no one talks too much about is all that your children will teach you. I have learned so much about myself through raising my two sons. I’ve learned that I do some things well, and I’ve also learned that some things that I do/did, need/needed to be let go or changed. In fact, I’m still learning from them and my boys are 17 and 21.  One last run together under...

Hello, welcome to Humbly Courageous. I am glad you are here. (Trigger warning: this post contains sensitive subject matter. Please do not read further if you are sensitive to the subject matter of suicide.) Waking up in darkness everyday. I wonder what 44 years of that really did to me? The damage it caused. There wasn’t a day I can remember that I didn’t think about it. The great mystery that plagued my life was that I did not have a diagnosis for something that impacted my life on every level. I kept this mostly to myself because telling others how much this affected me, often diminished my true feelings because they just didn’t understand. No one had answers. Painfully alone on this level, I built a life around that great mystery. It felt like a black hole right in the middle of my life, and I was constantly in danger of slipping into that black hole and never coming out. I thought about it many times. My college years were especially littered with bouts of depression and frequent...

Hello and welcome to another week at Humbly Courageous. I am glad you are here!  Loved this unique sunset! Recycled thoughts. Anyone else have recycled thoughts on replay? Often our fear of reliving pain we have experienced in our lifetime trumps any sense of reason we should have. We become fearful. What if such and such happens again, or what if this or that happens? Sometimes in my mind, it feels like a broken record. It can be hard to escape that place. It took me a very long time to get to a place where, in my mind, I was kinder to myself. I had a bad habit of constantly beating myself up. I could never measure up to the image of myself I had created. Truth be told, I was never good enough for myself, and so in my mind that meant I wasn’t good enough for anyone else either. I could be a miserable person to be around.  When I first started trying to change this about myself, it was like a newly formed scab that just the slightest touch would open it up again. It was fragil...