Stillness

Hello and welcome to a new week at Humbly Courageous. I am so glad you are here sticking with me, even during my absence. 

I took a break, but not purposefully. I think I just needed a bit of a break from sharing my life both here and at the newspaper. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE doing what I do so very much. It truly is largely responsible for what keeps me going when life gets tough. I feel so blessed to have such opportunities.

Summer is always such a beautiful but busy time. Much more seems to be expected out of life when the temps are warm and there is much to do. I love summer, but my reality is that I can’t go at such a pace for long without some sort of fallout. 

After a scary fall with injuries earlier this summer, I knew I needed to take a step back. To be still when I could. Not easy when taking care of a household, managing all that needs to be done.

This weekend has been a quiet one around here. My husband and sons left for a few days for a family reunion, while I stayed back to celebrate my precious mom’s birthday. I wouldn’t miss that for the world. 

I used to be so uncomfortable with such stillness, and being alone. After all, I spent much of my life trying to avoid the feeling of loneliness.

The first time I ever felt truly forced to face myself with no one around to “rescue” me was when I moved to Memphis, TN after graduating college. I only knew my now husband when I moved there. As a young engineer, he had to spend many late nights and weekends at the office. 

At first, I hated it. I was in an unfamiliar place and it felt scary to try and make my way. I felt I had made a huge mistake and part of me wanted to move back home. But, then as I did it more and more, I created a space to comfortably exist with myself when I needed to. I became comfortable in that space and began to crave those moments for myself. 

In the beginning, I would internally panic when he told me he had to work late or go in on a Saturday. What on earth would I do alone during that period of time? Turns out, the possibilities were endless.

I discovered that I was creative. I liked painting, and I also loved finding old things and making them new again. I have a love for rescuing lifeless things and making them my own. I found a quaint movie theater that was physically doable for me alone. I went to my first movie solo and I was hooked! I felt so free when I took steps outside of my comfort zone like that. Letting go of some of my insecurities. 

I liked that I didn’t know anyone there. I took care of my home, and got into decorating and using those “treasures” I would find and revive. 

When we take time to truly quiet our minds, it brings forth some buried thoughts and feelings. At least in my experience it does. I had a lot of trauma to work through on my own when I moved there. I had done the therapy and learned all the tools, but I had never really taken the time to do the work.

Being forced to be alone and be still, was life altering. 

In some ways I would describe myself as a “loner”. I am recharged by these quiet and still moments. When others come around I love that too. I don’t want to get too stuck in either mode. A healthy balance is good for us all. 

This weekend, I just enjoyed taking life at my own pace without any pressure from anyone to do things on their time schedule. I enjoyed some stormy afternoons and evenings (one of my favorite things), read, went thrifting, watched a good show, made good food, painted, exercised, listened to worship music connecting with my faith, visited with my sweet parents, had a great conversation with my mother-in-law, and slept in (ok, maybe that is a stretch, I slept until 7). 

Needless to say, it is a gift to be able to take time out to enjoy all of my favorite things. I am deeply grateful for this time I have had to be still. To be quiet. I think at this point in life, we are all yearning for some soul refreshment.

I urge you to take time to refresh your soul. Connect with the stillness. See what it brings up. It can be a great guide to tweaking things that may need tweaking, and to learn that taking time for yourself is so important. Even if it is not for an entire weekend, even a few minutes to be still can be beneficial. 

I was thrilled when my family arrived back home. I had had enough stillness and felt complete when they returned.

My life is getting ready to change in a big way as I get ready to say “goodbye” to my baby boy as he heads to college. My heart and mind have hardly been able to even think about this departure. 

The days of telling myself I can do this are dwindling. Ready or not, I will be doing it. Humbly. Courageously.

Becoming empty nesters is our next chapter. There will probably be an unbalance of too much stillness for a bit until we figure out our new rhythm. My mom’s words of “you wouldn’t want it any other way” are on repeat in my mind. Serving as a source of comfort. 

I wouldn’t want it any other way. She’s right. I wouldn’t.