Set free

Hello and welcome back to another week at Humbly Courageous. I am so glad you are here. 

Recently, my family and I traveled to Colorado for our youngest son’s last school spring break. Senior year is going by way too fast. I wish I had the ability to slow down time. Don’t we all?! 

We have visited Colorado as a family a few times. It is one of our favorite places. The beauty is astounding, and my husband and sons love the running challenges Colorado brings with the higher altitudes. We all agreed, it would be a great bookend to our years of spring breaks, some more adventurous than others. We were even able to stay at the same home we stayed at six years ago. 

My first few days in Colorado were rough, physically speaking. Traveling, in general, is so hard on my body. Adding in all the new things that I have to figure out, can be quite overwhelming. The altitude change got the best of me. Our house was at an elevation of about 9,000 feet. For this Indiana girl, that was quite an adjustment. My body felt so much weaker on this visit, and I struggled to regulate my body temperature. It was hard to accept that I needed a lot of extra help. Things I can do here at home on my own, were suddenly out of reach. It seemed I needed help with nearly everything. 

It definitely messed with my mental state as well. I had a few breakdowns while I was gone. I just felt sad. That’s the simplest way to put it. I felt angry as well. I wish that I could just enjoy things without having to give so much thought to even the smallest of things. Knowing I am the only one on the trip feeling these things makes it hard too. I hate having to admit these things because I don’t want to ruin the fun. Talking about it with my husband helps, but we both feel a sense of helplessness because we feel the gravity of these moments, and our ever changing baseline. Sometimes, we just sit in silence as the emotions run high.

On day 4, my older son joined us and we visited Rocky Mountain National Park. Tip: If you mention that you have a disability, you are eligible for a lifetime National Parks and Federal Recreational Lands pass. I was given a card that I can show anytime I visit one of these places. If you didn’t already know that, it’s a great and much appreciated benefit.

I told my family before we went on our trip, that my goal was to hike a short trail there. I wanted to make sure I got to do that while I am still able. They all agreed to support me however they could to make this happen.

Not a bad place to rest 

My boys ❤️

My sons picked and scouted out a trail once we arrived. It was a mostly flat trail alongside a lake. The scenery was stunning. I mustered up all the strength I had, and with my pillars of strength by my side, I was able to complete my hike. Luckily, there were a few benches along the way for rests. Without their encouragement, I couldn’t have done it. After that, I was totally depleted. Luckily, even from the car, that park is a stunning place to visit. It brought me so much joy to do that with my husband and sons. A moment I will never forget. My heroes.

❤️❤️❤️

With all that said, there were many times on this trip spent alone in the car, as I watched my family go on hikes without me. Each time, as I watched them walk away, I would get a huge lump in my throat. I felt so sad that I couldn’t just hop out and join them. Also, to be clear, they don’t like leaving me behind anymore than I like sitting there. I always insist they don’t miss out on things just because I can’t go. That doesn’t make it any easier. It’s heartbreaking every single time. This has been the scene countless times as we raised our boys.

When we were in Colorado in 2019, I was able to go adaptive snow skiing for the first time. On this visit, I knew I definitely wanted to try and fit that in again. Unfortunately, the ski resort I went to last time with the adaptive program was closed for the season. However, after some research we found another adaptive program in Breckenridge, CO, which was a little over an hour from where we were staying. 

From the initial phone call to set my adaptive ski lesson up, the Breckenridge Outdoor Education Center (BOEC) was top notch. They were so kind, and welcoming. Once I arrived the day my lesson was set up, I instantly felt the excitement, and of course some nerves. It had been so long that I thought I had forgotten everything I learned the first go around. 

I was assigned to an instructor named Molly, and her helper John. It took a bit to get me fitted in the ski chair, but they were so patient to make sure it was absolutely a perfect fit and well balanced, which is key. The ski chair is very narrow and snug. I also had a large strap around my chest. I felt very safe and secure. 

We went through some of the basics, and then we were ready to go! It was a stunningly beautiful day in Breckenridge. 

The thing with adaptive skiing, is that you very quickly have to establish an immense amount of trust between you and the ski instructor who will have your safety, literally in their hands. It was only about a 2.5 hour lesson, so everything happened quickly. It wasn’t long before we were on the ski lift taking us to the top of the slopes. Getting on the ski lift in my ski chair is interesting. They had it down to a science though, and were a great team.

We started out on the “smaller”slopes, although they were much higher than where I ended after my first time skiing in 2019. Next thing I knew, we were speeding down the slope. She was tethered to my ski chair. At times, she would ski closer into me, and then at other times she would say, “one, two, three on you” then she would separate from my ski chair, the tethers longer (as pictured). I would then put my outriggers down, and she would direct me on which way to turn. I was surprised at how quickly I picked it back up. Turns out, I did remember some of what I had learned six years prior. The movements are very slight. The key is to not overdo anything. As I mentioned, the chair is carefully balanced during the fitting. This helps a lot to keep upright and not fall over, but still, I was doing a lot of that work out there to keep it upright.

All smiles 

After a few runs, they asked me if I was ready to tackle the larger slope. It was about 11,000 feet in elevation. I asked them if they thought I was ready. They both enthusiastically said, “absolutely!” I said, “well, I am here, let’s do it!” 

We had to take two different ski lifts to get to the top. My stomach was in knots! I was battling my fear of heights, along with letting some doubt creep in. Molly and John were very good at calming my nerves. They were both such lovely people, and we had some great conversations that took my mind off of the scary moments.

Once at the top, she skied me over to our starting point. My jaw dropped. I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed something so beautiful. The view was just out of this world. I felt a very spiritual moment of peace wash over me, and I fought back the tears, although some managed to slip out. They gave me a moment to take it all in, and we snapped a photo so I could remember that moment forever. John agreed that he would get some video clips of us skiing down this final run. She told me it would be much longer than the others. I shook out my hands and wrapped them tightly around my outriggers and said, “I’m ready!”

Me and the amazing Molly 💚

I couldn’t have prepared myself for the sense of freedom that I would feel. I wish I could bottle that up. For a moment, I was set free from the chains of my disability. Living with muscular dystrophy, my body feels very heavy all of the time. Every task is labored. Imagine living your life with very decreased strength, coupled with heavy weights blanketing your entire body, never getting a break from that. That’s the best way I can describe living with MD. Suddenly, I felt weightless. The wind in my face felt heavenly, and the sky so blue it didn’t seem real. The tears started to flow, but I had to focus. “One, two, three, on you”, I was doing it! What a workout that was for my arms and my core. I am still feeling the effects over a week later! 

As we neared the bottom of the slopes, I spotted the most beautiful sight of all. My husband and my boys were there watching for me to come in, cheering me on. It was an emotional moment. My heart felt like it could burst with the love and gratitude I felt for my family in that moment.

We all met up, and talked about our time on the mountain. Molly told me she was stunned at how much I learned in such a short time. As if she were reading my mind, she continued on to say, “I am not just saying that either.” She said I accomplished so much in 2.5 hours, and didn’t once fall over, which she said is rare. I have to admit, I felt proud of myself in that moment. I had given it all I had. My strength tank on empty, my heart on full.

My husband and son lifted me out of my ski chair and into my wheelchair. Saying goodbye to two people I will likely never see again, who made such a profound impact on me, was hard. I hugged them both and thanked them for being such wonderful teachers. They were outstanding in every way. 

💚💚💚

Before I got in the car, I asked Jamie to take my picture standing in my ski clothes. I wanted to remember that moment on my own two feet as well because I am grateful I still can. My smile hasn’t been that big in a while. I am forever grateful for my time in beautiful Breck. Who knows? Maybe one day I will return. 

From starting the trip at such a low, to ending our trip on a high note was fought for by humble courage. I’m honored to have such a loving and supportive family who helps me achieve my dreams. 💚