Letting Go

Hello and welcome to Humbly Courageous. Happy New Year! I am so glad you are here. 

I took a couple weeks off from my writing gigs, and I was honestly looking forward to the time off going into it. I felt like my brain needed a break from processing so many life experiences and sharing them. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love what I do, but everyone needs a pause every once in a while. 

The first couple of days, I was so busy preparing for the holidays I hardly noticed I wasn’t working on a writing assignment. Normally, I am writing something everyday, whether it be for my newspaper column, blog or freelance assignment.

After a few days, I started to feel like something was missing. I started feeling anxious, and overwhelmed. I think I started to realize how much writing helps me to process things. It has become an outlet for me, and all of a sudden it stopped. Combining that with the holiday stress and extra physical demands, it took a toll.

I came out of the holiday season feeling horrible. I even ended up in the ER one day, due to some things that were going on. Luckily, it doesn’t seem to be anything too serious. If the rest of the tests come back good, then I think I can probably blame my problems on stress and anxiety. That can make a person feel pretty awful. I will do my due diligence of course, and make sure all is ok before blaming it all on that, but I do think it is a possibility. 

I am not huge on setting a bunch of lofty goals at the beginning of the year. I do like the opportunity to assess things that I could be doing better to be my best self. I feel like things need tweaking more than once a year, and that if I set goals that are too far out of reach, I can just end up feeling like a failure.

One of the glaring issues I would like to change is managing my stress and anxiety differently. Part of that is regularly processing my emotions. I am someone that doesn’t like to cry in front of others. Even at a movie if I get teary eyed, I try my best to conceal my tears. I think some of that comes from a life of medical trauma. I always wanted to prove to my doctors that I was a tough little girl. I didn’t want them to see me cry. In many ways, I think that helped me through those times because it gave me a challenge. However, I think I also learned how to stuff my emotions by doing that, which is what I have continued to do. Writing has helped with changing that pattern in some ways.

On January 1st, after my workout, I sat in my workout room and processed some things I’ve been stuffing. Funny how one can feel self-conscious even when crying alone. Anyone else? Life is heavy in a lot of ways right now. Unfortunately, I know I am in good company by sharing that. 

For me, that meant turning on some of my favorite worship music, talking to God, and practicing gratitude. I know that may look different for you, but that is where I find peace and comfort. I have done that a few more times in conjunction with my workouts and it seems to be helping. Let’s hope I can make that a new habit. 

I recently ran across a quote by L.R. Knost that really resonated with me. It says, “Life is amazing, And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living, heartbreaking, soul healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.” I have learned to really appreciate the mundane. The highs are wonderful and the lows are awful, but the mundane is comforting and feels safe. Some may say boring. I think at one time in my life I would have said the same thing. I really just appreciate quiet simple moments more than ever. That refuels me. I hope that you too will make your mental health a priority before it gets the best of you. That takes humble courage. Whatever you are dealing with, you owe it to yourself to take time to process your emotions and revive your soul. 💚