Skip to main content

About Me

My photo
Humbly Courageous
Hi, I’m Amy. I live life with a condition called Bethlem Myopathy which is a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy. I like to help others by showing how I live well with a debilitating condition. I was born with this disease, so it’s the only way I know life. I continue to work on embracing myself and using that to help others.

Followers

Real Talk

Hello, welcome back to another week at Humbly Courageous! Do you have something that is very emotional that lies just beneath the surface and tends to just come bubbling out at any given moment. Moments when you are asked about this topic, or sometimes just when you are thinking about it? It chokes you up, or makes you angry? Something that you feel like no one in the world understands? Something that is triggered very easily?

I think for the majority of us the answer to that would be yes, and if not now then maybe there has been something like that at some point in your life. 

Recently, I’ve found myself back in the very place that I often talk about climbing out of in the past. A place I never wanted to go again, and vowed to myself I wouldn’t. Despite my best efforts I’ve found myself in the slimy pit of self-pity, again! I’ve felt sorry for myself and resentful towards something that hasn’t turned out the way I had hoped, or the way I understood it would. I’ve found myself asking “what did I do wrong?” I’ve told myself I guess I’m not as good at such and such as so and so etc. I told myself untruths such as ,“I’m just not good enough.” And it’s due to a few different things. I’m not deep into it, but I’m back there and I don’t like it. But, I’m human and it was bound to happen again. I recognize it more quickly now. 

I’m trying to climb out as quickly as I can. The walls getting back up are slippery though. I’m finding it hard to find something to grasp onto. Each time I get a good grip, something takes me back down. However, I’m annoyed enough and feel like lingering here for a few days is enough for me, and I’m going to fight like hell to get out. No one is coming for me. No one can pull me out, but ME. Trust me, I had a long standing membership in this pit. Ultimately, it’s you that has to do the difficult work to get out. No one can do it for you. 

If I want specific things to happen, I’m going to have to create those and make them a reality on my own. I have to do the heavy lifting to get myself where I see myself. I spent far too long waiting for someone to come along that I felt could help me get there. The truth is, we have to help ourselves as much as we can. Sometimes that thought can make me so angry. I just want things to be easy, but they won’t be. Life is not easy. We are always going to be faced with challenges that we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy. 

I realize this is a diversion from my normal content, but I feel like these things have to be talked about too. We all struggle in one way or another. It takes a lot of humble courage to, number one, admit that you are feeling sorry for yourself, and number two, to force yourself out of that space as quickly as possible. It will never serve you well. It may feel satisfying for a moment, but it won’t last. I won’t stay here for long because I so desperately don’t want to. That’s a good start, and you know what? I feel better already just getting it off my chest. So, peace out self-pity pit. Time to get to work. 💚





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Muscular Dystrophy

A letter to Muscular Dystrophy on the eve of my 49th birthday. This has been a lifelong journey…. Dear Muscular Dystrophy, At times you dazzle me, showing me the heights of human love and kindness, and at other times you take me to the deepest, darkest parts of my soul. I have silently pleaded, please just let this end. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’d like to say that was a one-time thought, but you’ve made it impossible to tell that as a truth.  I want to love you because you are a part of me, but you make it so hard at times. You feel like a best friend when I achieve feats that seem impossible due to my physical weakness, but also you feel like my worst enemy living inside of my body when you fail me, and I’m once again lying on the floor. You robbed me of big chunks of childhood joy, while I sat in silent envy of my friends, as I watched them effortlessly turn cartwheels, run and jump.  You are stuck to me like glue during the countless hours in waiting rooms, operati...
13 comments
Read more

In Luke’s words

Hello, welcome back to another week at Humbly Courageous. I am glad you are here! When my oldest son asked me to proofread his college essay a few years ago, I don’t think anything could have prepared me for what I would read. My biggest fear before having children, was that my life, my disability, would affect their lives in a negative way. I know what I endure as a disabled person on a regular basis, and for years I debated if I wanted to bring children into the world with me and potentially affect their lives in a bad way. After years of discussion with my husband, I finally felt like the decision was clear. I feel God put it on my heart, that He wanted me to have children. I felt that very strongly all of a sudden. As I went on the journey that Luke took me through in this essay, I felt many different emotions. I felt sad, mad, grateful, proud and so much more. I am sad/mad that the opinions and reactions of others caused us to miss out on these precious times with Luke. That part ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Deep Breath

Hello and welcome back, or if you are new here welcome!…..Deep breath this week, as we are diving into the emotional trauma of 47 years disabled… here we go with just a few examples. Sharing these are really hard for me, but I think it’s important to share because these things are not uncommon for those who are disabled. Some I’ve shared before, some I haven’t.  “Yeah, from the look of your profile picture you really look disabled 😂” There is SO much I could say to this. What does that mean? Am I supposed to look a certain way as a disabled woman? Please, enlighten me. I’m all ears.  Or how about the folks that left me on the floor of a bar/restaurant because they assumed I was drunk because I fell as I was exiting because the door swung the opposite of what I was expecting, so easily throwing me off balance. Had not had a drop to drink. Left me there, staring at me as if I was a zoo exhibit.  Even the manager came by and told me to move because I was letting all of the ...
9 comments
Read more