Real Talk

Hello, welcome back to another week at Humbly Courageous! Do you have something that is very emotional that lies just beneath the surface and tends to just come bubbling out at any given moment. Moments when you are asked about this topic, or sometimes just when you are thinking about it? It chokes you up, or makes you angry? Something that you feel like no one in the world understands? Something that is triggered very easily?

I think for the majority of us the answer to that would be yes, and if not now then maybe there has been something like that at some point in your life. 

Recently, I’ve found myself back in the very place that I often talk about climbing out of in the past. A place I never wanted to go again, and vowed to myself I wouldn’t. Despite my best efforts I’ve found myself in the slimy pit of self-pity, again! I’ve felt sorry for myself and resentful towards something that hasn’t turned out the way I had hoped, or the way I understood it would. I’ve found myself asking “what did I do wrong?” I’ve told myself I guess I’m not as good at such and such as so and so etc. I told myself untruths such as ,“I’m just not good enough.” And it’s due to a few different things. I’m not deep into it, but I’m back there and I don’t like it. But, I’m human and it was bound to happen again. I recognize it more quickly now. 

I’m trying to climb out as quickly as I can. The walls getting back up are slippery though. I’m finding it hard to find something to grasp onto. Each time I get a good grip, something takes me back down. However, I’m annoyed enough and feel like lingering here for a few days is enough for me, and I’m going to fight like hell to get out. No one is coming for me. No one can pull me out, but ME. Trust me, I had a long standing membership in this pit. Ultimately, it’s you that has to do the difficult work to get out. No one can do it for you. 

If I want specific things to happen, I’m going to have to create those and make them a reality on my own. I have to do the heavy lifting to get myself where I see myself. I spent far too long waiting for someone to come along that I felt could help me get there. The truth is, we have to help ourselves as much as we can. Sometimes that thought can make me so angry. I just want things to be easy, but they won’t be. Life is not easy. We are always going to be faced with challenges that we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy. 

I realize this is a diversion from my normal content, but I feel like these things have to be talked about too. We all struggle in one way or another. It takes a lot of humble courage to, number one, admit that you are feeling sorry for yourself, and number two, to force yourself out of that space as quickly as possible. It will never serve you well. It may feel satisfying for a moment, but it won’t last. I won’t stay here for long because I so desperately don’t want to. That’s a good start, and you know what? I feel better already just getting it off my chest. So, peace out self-pity pit. Time to get to work. 💚