I Can’t…Right Now

Hello and welcome, I’m so glad you are here! One of the things that is most frustrating to me living with a disability is when I tell someone I can’t do something, physically, and they question me. As if I don’t have a better grasp on what I am physically capable of than they do. Which brings me to the point of this post….being ok with saying…I can’t, right now. 

Now don’t get me wrong. I love a good physical challenge. I get a lot of satisfaction from pushing beyond my limits and accomplishing something that seems a little of out of my reach. It fuels me to keep up the good fight. I find it extremely rewarding to get to the other side of physical feats like that. However, I also think it’s ok to admit that you just can’t do something, and be confident in that statement. 

I’m sure we’ve all heard a phrase similar to something like this…you can do anything you put your mind to! To be honest, that phrase really annoys me, and I think ultimately it just makes people feel like a failure if they aren’t accomplishing some great thing on the regular. I think especially for those that deal with physical limitations, that phrase can really be damaging to our self-esteem. We can all do some things, that if we put our head down, and dig deep, want something bad enough, we can sometimes burst through our walls of resistance and create a new path. Sure, like I said that’s great. 

It’s important to remember that we don’t always have to be accomplishing the awesome and recognizable moments to be worthy. There is a lot of worth in the mundane. A lot of joy in the simple things. Doing the things no one would ever notice. Sometimes for me, that can be just surviving a day on my own two feet. Some days, I’m at my weakest moments before I ever get out of bed, and I wonder if today will be the day I have a fall that breaks another bone. I wince at the thought of the pain, or panic from the thought of being stranded somewhere not able to get up. I quickly tell myself those are self-defeating thoughts, while reminding myself that I’ve been doing this for 49 years, and today will be no different. I will make it through the day, I silently repeat. It is hard though when I know I’m faced with a particularly “weaker” feeling day. It’s so tedious in and of itself, and then life gets piled on top of it. So, there are days that I’m going to have to say, “I can’t today” and that needs to be accepted by others as well as myself. It doesn’t mean “I can’t” forever necessarily, it means I can’t today. For me personally it takes a lot to mutter that phrase, so if I’m saying it, it needs to be trusted and accepted.

I think it takes just as much courage to say those words sometimes than it would to tackle something difficult. I spent many years of my life being uncomfortable or feeling unsafe in situations because I was afraid to tell my truth. To say “I can’t do that”. I didn’t want to make others I was with uncomfortable. I didn’t want to ruin their time, or make them feel like it was their fault I wasn’t comfortable doing something. So, I suffered in silence  more times than I can count. I wish I could say I never do that anymore, but that’s not true. I am getting better at it though. Part of that is becoming more comfortable with who I am, and more confident in my own decisions. It’s definitely a work in progress, as most things are in my life. 

Let’s stop putting such a harsh stigma on those who utter the words “I can’t” from time to time. Let’s respect their boundaries and support them when they humbly, courageously say that. We are all capable of accomplishing many great things and we should, but sometimes, we just can’t, for today.  💚