Dear Younger Me

Hello and welcome to another week at Humbly Courageous. Several years ago, my mom gifted me with the Book Titled “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (and it’s all small stuff). I’m sure many of you have heard of it and maybe have even read it too. For a long time, it sat on my bookshelf. I’d pack it up whenever I moved, feeling guilty to get rid of it because it had a beautiful, encouraging message from my mom in the front of it. Each move, I’d box it up move it and unbox it to put it back on the shelf to collect dust (I’m sorry mom, but keep reading!)

For several years, the title of that book just ticked me off. My worries were not small stuff! After all, I was living with a lifelong disability that, at the time, was not yet named. I thought, “this book probably doesn’t even apply to me anyway!” Wouldn’t it be great if we could have the insight we have now as an adult when we were kids? Oh how I would have done things a differently! That’s just a part of the the process though. Live and learn.

I have since read the book several times, and still pick it up from time to time. It really puts things in perspective. As a person who leans more towards the worrywart side of things, it has helped me to see that most things really aren’t worth “sweating” over. They just aren’t. A constant reminder I tell myself. 

So, as I passed by that book today, it got me thinking. If I could go back in time and speak to myself as young girl with a disability, from the perspective I have now, what would I tell her? Obviously, I can’t do that, but I can speak to others that come after me. As I always tell myself, if it reaches one person and makes a difference, then it matters. That really is so true for all of us. We are all capable of helping someone, and it DOES matter. Someone out there needs you, they really do. 

First and foremost I would say, YOU ARE NOT ALONE….for so long, I felt like I was probably the only person in the world who was just like me. I don’t say that from a place of saying I think I’m so special. No, it wasn’t that at all. In fact, it was quite the opposite. It was a chronic loneliness that often left me gutted and empty inside.

I would also tell her to appreciate her uniqueness more, and to let it sparkle like a diamond in the sun. It’s a gift to be able to view the world from this perspective, as someone with a disability. Sure, a lot of parts of being disabled truly do stink. It’s hard, it’s grueling, unpredictable, isolating and heartbreaking. It’s also a beautiful opportunity to connect with other people on a level that many people just can’t. 

I would tell her, it’s ok if people don’t like you. No one is liked by everyone, ever. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t like you because you are disabled, and if that is the reason they don’t like you, then move on and don’t give it another thought!

I would tell her that when people tell her she’s beautiful or good at something, it’s not because they feel sorry for her and are trying to make her feel better. They genuinely mean those things. Take the compliment, smile and say “thank you”. Don’t hang your head, or make excuses for why they shouldn’t tell you that. 

Don’t miss out on opportunities because you are too intimidated to be the only disabled person, or may have to do things differently. It’s an opportunity to teach others and help them learn about disabilities, to try and make a difference for those with disabilities. 

I would tell her to stay strong. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Take it one day at a time. You will have some really, really tough days, weeks, months, years. It will get better. Trust that. 

I would tell her that joy can coexist with hardship. It’s ok to be happy about certain things, while at the same time grieving things you aren’t able to do. Focus on the good in your life, instead of dwelling on what’s not so good.  

Finally, I would tell her that you may not be able to control your circumstances, but you can most definitely control how you respond. Don’t believe what society encourages you to believe, that disabled people are weak and unworthy. Believe that, you my dear, are humbly courageous, and you have a purpose in this life, don’t waste it. 💚