Broken Spirit Restored

Hello and welcome to another week at Humbly Courageous! I’m so encouraged, and my passion fueled when I see how many are now reading my blog posts each week. My hopes of reaching others has become more than just hopes. It’s become a reality, and I couldn’t be more excited, as I watch this space grow! 

Has your spirit ever been broken by someone? Your confidence shattered into a million pieces? For most, I’m guessing the answer to that question is, yes. Over the course of your lifetime, it’s probably happened more times than you want to admit. Maybe it was a teacher, coach, guidance counselor, doctor, family member, or possibly even a friend. 

I’m what many people would refer to as a highly sensitive person. They would be correct. I even read a book about it, and during the entirety of the book I was like, “yep that’s me!” It is just the way I’m made. There are some drawbacks to being a HSP as it’s called, but there are also some positives. I’m usually the person in the room who is feeling someone else’s pain. I’m very receptive to that kind of thing. Maybe it’s partly because I grew up with a disability? The empathic part of me can just sense certain things in others, but there are plenty of HSPs who aren’t disabled. 

I feel like my childhood was a string of constant breaking of my fragile spirit. It wasn’t always intentional. It’s just that people underestimated me as a disabled child, likely because of their ignorance surrounding disabilities. I would be sidelined just based on their assumptions about a person with a disability. They would take one look at my big bulky leg braces, awkward gait and instantly write their own narrative about my capabilities. I kind of just got used to it and expected it. I was shy, and speaking up for myself regarding my disability was just not something I was great at. It was easier just to go along with their assumptions. That way, I didn’t stand out more than I already did. If I challenged their thinking, it would have caused a scene. That’s the last thing I was interested in. 

Over time, that takes a toll on one’s spirit and the way we view ourselves. To be clear, this was not something that happened in my home with my family. It was more a happening outside of my house, wherever I may encounter other adults or children who didn’t personally know me. Also, not all adults who I encountered did that. But, it was consistent enough to have a negative impact. A good visual for that is taking blankets and layering them on top of someone as they are standing. After time, and so many blankets, the person will collapse underneath the weight of it all. 

I used to despise it when I would be at a doctor’s appointment with my parents, and the doctor would speak all about me, without ever even including me in the conversation. I felt invisible. I had a lot to say, but I wouldn’t say it to them because I figured they wouldn’t hear my quiet voice anyway. I would hear them talk all about what I was capable of doing, or would be capable of in the future. I’d wait until I got into the car with my mom and tell her how I felt, not always but sometimes.

I used to think that when someone broke your spirit, then it was broken forever. That it couldn’t be restored. I’m sure much of the revelation of, that is just not true, comes from growing into an adult and realizing that you aren’t other people’s beliefs about you. I also believe, a lot of it, comes from my strong spiritual connection. YOU are responsible for what you take on from others. Just because someone thinks something about you, it doesn’t make it your truth. It’s just their opinion that’s all. 

I wish I could get back all those years I suffered from my high school guidance counselor planting beliefs into my head that I just wasn’t that smart. This person even brought my mother in to tell her that too. They had based that opinion largely on my SAT score. I wasn’t great at standardized testing. Many aren’t, but that doesn’t mean they lack intelligence. Luckily, we didn’t let their opinion of me stop me from applying to, and being accepted into several different colleges. However, this person’s words were constantly on repeat in my mind for several years, causing many moments of self- doubt. I’m here to humbly courageously tell you that I no longer believe this person’s opinion of me. My spirit has been restored from that particular break, as well as others. 

These days, I’m more protective and diligent about protecting my spirit. Many days, it feels rock solid, indestructible. However, it takes constant practice and diligence to stay strong. It’s just like exercise. You have to do it for it to make a difference. That’s not to say, that you shouldn’t consider constructive feedback from others. It’s not an arrogance thing, but more of a confidence thing. There is a difference. We can always improve in certain areas. It’s more that, you have your core beliefs about who you are, and you are solid in those truths. Confident in who you are and what you are capable of.

Our broken spirits can be and should be healed. Your life, and all you have to offer to this world, is worth it. 💚