Cultivating Confidence

Hello and welcome back! Hope this week has been a productive one. I have had a lot of new readers reach out recently, which is very exciting! Humbly Courageous is growing and that makes me smile! I appreciate the kind comments I’ve received, and a few “you’re a good writer”comments, which is not something I ever planned on hearing in my life. This little space has sure brought me more joy than you could imagine. So, thank you!

Growing up, my mom was a fantastic cook. She learned from her mom, and our family has a lot of really awesome recipes that have been passed down many generations. I can’t think of any “secret” recipes we have, but by far our family’s most famous are probably angel biscuits and our Thanksgiving fried dressing recipe. My mom would have my sister and I help some in the kitchen when we were younger, or we would watch her cook. I learned a lot just by watching her. 

I got more interested in cooking when Jamie and I moved to Memphis. I liked it because it was something I was able to do, and I was able to satisfy my creative desires. I felt confident in the kitchen, and I like to try new recipes. Because of my disability there are certain things that are a challenge in the kitchen, but adaptable. Lifting heavy pots, standing for long periods, chopping, lifting things on and off shelves that are higher up, getting things out of lower cabinets and trying to stand back up are things that are challenging for me in the kitchen. 

My most frequently used space in my house 💚

Many years ago, my mom flew home with me to Memphis after I had come back to Indiana for a major ankle surgery a year or so after I moved there. She was coming back with me to help me around the house, and just be there to help as I was pretty immobile in a wheelchair with my leg propped up at all times. That made things tricky in many ways. I’m the kind of person who does not like to just lay around for long periods of time. I like to accomplish tasks throughout my day. After being in the hospital for a week, and then at my parent’s house another week recovering before heading back to Memphis, I was itching for some independence and alone time doing something I enjoyed. I really wanted to make my baked ziti recipe for my mom and Jamie, as a thank you for all they were doing to help me. It was quite an undertaking given the state I was in. I assured them if they got me ingredients I would make them dinner. I shooed them out the door and told them to return in a couple of hours. I was determined. My mom really didn’t want to leave me there, but I insisted. I successfully cooked that meal, and while it certainly wasn’t easy (and yeah maybe not the smartest with the boiling water and all) I figured it out and was able to feel confident again. My mom was amazed I pulled it off, and still talks about it to this day, some 22 years later. 

Memphis kitchen in our first home 

We all need to do things that make us confident and happy. Living with a disability, the confidence tank can often run on empty. There are many reasons for this, but a lot of it are beliefs of others that we take on that just aren’t true. I’ve learned that other’s perception of my disability isn’t my reality. I’ve grown to accept that many are just not ever going to fully grasp what it’s like for me living in a disabled body. They will continue to measure me up based on their abilities. Some don’t respect my differences, and that can make things difficult. While it will always be painful to not be accepted as I am, I’m learning to move on and not waste valuable energy on those who will likely never be able to get to that place.

My walker provides a place for breaks in the kitchen

   

Really though, I have also learned to know that confidence has to come from within ourselves, and there is no one to blame for our lack of confidence. It’s the belief of ourselves and how we view ourselves where confidence grows. It’s practice. It’s trial and error. It’s taking risks and sometimes getting to the other side of those risks, when you succeed, that cultivates confidence. It’s like when I started Humbly Courageous a few years ago, and just went off an idea that came to mind. I wasn’t a “writer”, but I loved to write. I set a personal deadline for myself to adhere to that no one but me even knew about, let alone cared about. But each week when I would hit publish on my blog post, my confidence grew. Even when no one was really reading it (for months!) I kept writing weekly posts with my purpose of reaching others who feel alone, and educating others from my standpoint of a person with a lifelong disability as the end goal. 

It takes humble courage to keep the confidence within us alive. It may fluctuate from time to time, but if you are doing things you set your mind to, and you don’t give up based on then opinions of others, then I think you will feel free to just be…you. 💚