Same But Different

Hello and welcome back! As I've mentioned before, my husband is my "editor in chief" as I jokingly like to call him. Really, he just reads through what I've written to make sure there aren't any glaring typos or grammatical errors (which there usually are!), but he doesn't change the context of what I've written. It can be a bit of a challenge sometimes because he is a civil engineer, and the way I write is like the way I talk. It's just what makes sense to me. As an engineer, he thinks it could be written a little differently. Far more formal and precise than I am. I am the polar opposite of an engineer, whatever that is called! I don't really have a mathematical bone in my body, and honestly that used to make me feel inadequate, not as smart. When my boys came along, and I realized that they, like their dad, are also math wizards, I started to see that really it didn't mean I wasn't smart, it just meant that I learn in a different way. The way my brain works is more on the emotional, feelings side of things. We are somewhat the same, but different. We are smart in different ways. I find math to be mind numbingly boring, but also have great respect for those who love it, and realize that is a much needed skill in our world! We find a lot of the same things to be funny, and share the same points of views in many other areas. So, the same, but different.

Poor Jamie trying to tutor me in high school algebra 😁

I think it can be the same with someone who has a disability in regard to their disability. If you are listening to what those of us with disabilities are fighting so hard for, you will have heard that we are just fighting for basic human rights, like the right to use the bathroom in a public place, or sit on a plane in one's wheelchair, or being able to get into a store or restaurant.....just things that people do, but take for granted. Also, I think it's worth repeating a common misconception, which is, once you've met one disabled person, you know what all disabled people are like. That's just not true, and is frankly just ridiculous. We are the same in that we have challenges we face because of our disabilities, but we are also different in the way we live with our disabilities. The same, but different.

Growing up, it didn't feel ok for me to be different. When I would watch television, I never saw anyone who walked like me. When I would go out in public I rarely saw anyone who walked like me. At school, the same story. In the rare instances where I would encounter someone who walked differently, I would look at my mom and excitedly say, "hey, does that person walk like me?" She would always say, no not really, it's a little different. I always felt so disappointed. I wanted to find that person that was the same as me. Always searching. Kind of to prove a point to myself that there were others like me. That's how my mind worked as a child with a disability in the time period when I grew up. It just wasn't as accepted to be different. The world has come a long way since then, but also still has so far to go. We are all a lot the same, but also a lot different. Now, I like being different. I'm proud of my differences. They are what make me who I am.

Many times in my life people have said to me, "when I see you, I don't see your disability." I have had many heated debates surrounding this statement. In keeping in the spirit of honesty, I will say, that statement bothers me and frustrates me to my core. I know, that people almost always mean well when the say that. I really do. However, when you fail to recognize my physical differences, you aren't seeing me as I really am. I am disabled. I do have a hard time doing certain things. I am not able to do certain things. I have needs that need to be recognized for me to feel safe around you. Those things need to be acknowledged for me to be comfortable being around you. I NEED you to see ALL of me. Not because I'm seeking special treatment, but because I have different  physical needs. In my opinion, that is not a compliment.  It feels dismissive, and like it isn't ok for me to be seen just as I am. It also suggests to me that you think being disabled is negative or not ok. That being said, I would never say, "I am only my disability”,  but it is always there.... always impacting me as a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a blogger, a duo bike marathoner, an MDA National Ambassador etc. Those things aren't separate from my disability, more of just a flow of me, if that makes sense. I don't get breaks from my disability. It’s part of my identity. 

It takes humble courage to walk with your head held high when your differences shine like a beacon drawing attention to you. It takes humble courage to look up to make eye contact with a stranger who may be giving you a look of complete confusion or even disgust. However, maybe, just maybe, you look up to see those who are smiling at your difference, and are encouraged by your courage. I am practicing looking up more when I go out. Not being afraid of the negative looks, but instead, searching for the smile and unspoken words of a stranger that say, hey I see you. My smile back can say, we are the same, but different, and that's ok. I don't need that smile to keep going, but it definitely goes a long way on this journey. It sticks with me, propelling me forward. 💚