Optimistic Much?

Hello and welcome back to another blog! Optimism...hopefulness and confidence about the future. Are you naturally an optimist? I am not. It's just not the way I was wired, but I have worked to change that over the years. Still, it's just my natural tendency to fall towards the negative, so I have to really work to change my mindset. I learned to strive to be an optimistic person from my mother. She always looks at the bright side of things. 

Me and my mom ❤️

Growing up, it used to really upset me when my mom would do this. I would often be woe is me, and she would say, not so fast! There is another way to look at the situation. A lot of times, this was related to my disability. Looking back, and after having my own children, I now realize how hard this must have been for my mom, who was dealing with the unknowns of my disability right along with me. As a parent, I know that when your child is hurting or struggling, you feel it too. Mentally and physically. It hurts to see your child in a situation where there is nothing you can do to help or make things better for them. I appreciate more now the struggle my parents must have gone through raising a child with a disability. I will never truly know exactly what they went through, because fortunately, my children do not live with a disability. 

Optimism is a hard thing to stay consistent with, speaking from the standpoint of my experience as person with a disability. I can be in the best mood, and going about my day, and then go out in public and a mean comment, or a disgusted stare can wreck me. I have come so far in not letting it wreck me for long. I bounce back quicker from things like that. A lot of it I attribute to retraining my mind to be more of an optimist. 

If you are constantly living in a negative mindset it is really going to hold you back. If you are living where you let every little thing that goes wrong in your day upset you, it will take you down fast. The more I work to change this, the easier it is to let things roll off my back, and then I have more energy to focus on more important things than dwelling on a negative experience. I think some of that comes with age too, and just life experience. 

I have, in the past few years started to look at my disability in a very optimistic way. I have even come around to feelings of gratefulness for my disability. At times, I even feel blessed to be disabled because of the unique life lessons and front row seat to a totally unique perspective that it has brought about. A few years ago, if someone told me that was the way I would view my disability I would have laughed in their face. There is NO way I would have even been able to muster up those kind of thoughts, even just a short time ago. 

So what changed? My faith became stronger, and I started to pray. I prayed that God would show me my true purpose in life. I had thoughts that if I died, I wouldn't be happy with the way I left things. I felt unfinished, unsatisfied with the work I had done at that point. It wasn't enough. 

Now, I feel like I have made a dent in my purpose. While, I will never be perfect in my optimistic mindset, I've improved. I don't like to dwell on thoughts of my death, but it crosses my mind from time to time, and I do like to think of my life's path as purposeful. I want to help and make a difference in the people's lives that I was supposed to. Humbly courageously, and optimistically moving toward the future, but also very much taking it day by day. Living in the moment. Doing my best with the hand I was dealt. There were no mistakes, it was meant just for me, and yours is too. 💚