Humbly Courageous

Hello and welcome to a new week at Humbly Courageous. I’m glad you are here! With each passing year, the walls I built around myself become taller, thicker, less penatrable. The construction of my walls began when I was young, having a lot of surgeries. The scariest times were when I had to part from my parents, and be wheeled to the operating room surrounded by strangers wearing masks. It was such a terrifying experience for me. Although most were kind once back there, it was a place of unknowns. I was completely at their mercy. Also, knowing I’d wake up in horrible pain and completely immobile was equally as frightening to me. Not to mention, I was also always violently ill, sometimes for days, after anesthesia. I began constructing these walls because it felt like a barrier of protection that I needed with me at all times. I didn’t want to trust just anyone. It felt like doctors were against me because they could never help my physical condition. They couldn’t even name it. Every en...

Hello, and welcome to another week at Humbly Courageous. I am glad you stopped by! Be flexible. A phrase I would silently repeat hundreds of times as we headed overseas to Berlin, Germany. This is where my husband and I would run our first overseas marathon as a duo bike team. One of only five or less duo teams out of the 58,000 or so of our closest friends also running. Speaking of friends, traveling with us to help us were our friends Andy and Michelle. Andy, also was running the marathon, and we needed extra hands to help with traveling with the duo bike, plus a plethora of other things we need assistance with. I also had my wheelchair to travel with. They were our travel angels. Anticipating every need we had, even before we spoke it. Our travel angels Not only was this our first overseas marathon, but it was my first time traveling overseas. There was a lot of anxiety for me heading into this trip. Saying “yes” to my husband when he asked me if I wanted to complete our fifth marat...

I met you one year ago. Delivered by a kind stranger with my oldest son by my side, I reluctantly accepted your presence in my home. I felt an overwhelming sadness. I felt like I had given up. I should have tried harder, I thought. Once I was alone for the evening, my family scattered about, I broke down. I documented the day in a tearful and heartfelt video, I have shared with no one. I wanted to remember. I had thought about this day for years. I fought it, dreaded it and shed rivers full of tears thinking of this day. The day I would need you. I stared at you, trying to decide if I liked the way I had designed you. I did. You were different, like me. Little by little, we bonded. Unlike my scooter, you felt like one with me. An extension of my body. Our first trip together was to New York City not long after you arrived, brand new. Together, we saw so much more than I could have without you. It is not lost on me that you are not with me all of the time. I still have time on my ow...

Hello, welcome back to another week at Humbly Courageous. I am glad you are here! When my oldest son asked me to proofread his college essay a few years ago, I don’t think anything could have prepared me for what I would read. My biggest fear before having children, was that my life, my disability, would affect their lives in a negative way. I know what I endure as a disabled person on a regular basis, and for years I debated if I wanted to bring children into the world with me and potentially affect their lives in a bad way. After years of discussion with my husband, I finally felt like the decision was clear. I feel God put it on my heart, that He wanted me to have children. I felt that very strongly all of a sudden. As I went on the journey that Luke took me through in this essay, I felt many different emotions. I felt sad, mad, grateful, proud and so much more. I am sad/mad that the opinions and reactions of others caused us to miss out on these precious times with Luke. That part ...

Hello and welcome to another week at Humbly Courageous. I’m glad you are here! I recently traveled to Washington, D.C. to participate in my second Hill Day with The Muscular Dystrophy Association. It was an easy “yes” when asked to go for a second time, as an advocate for MDA.  I enjoyed going the first time and learning how it all works. It’s a fascinating place, and such a beautiful city! The first time I went to D.C. to advocate, we were fighting for improvements in accessibility and awareness for airline travel for disabled travelers. All too commonly, those with disabilities don’t travel because they are terrified their wheelchair (aka their legs) will be damaged and unusable when they reach their destination. Also, aircrafts need to be updated and made to be more accessible, so restrooms are accessible for all. Ultimately, the hope is wheelchair users can stay in their chair to travel, so no bodily injuries happen when transferring and to avoid damage to a mishandled wheelcha...

Hello and welcome to a new week at Humbly Courageous. It seems that with my other writing responsibilities, the blog has taken somewhat of a backseat, but make no mistake, it is still my first writing love. I have these visions. Visions of myself in a healed body doing things that I can’t typically do. It feels like a retreat from my tired body to daydream about these things. Many times it’s just thinking about doing household chores without such effort. Sometimes they are just snapshots and other times I find myself lost in those thoughts.  I would think most have daydreams about doing things that they can’t do, but I guess I really don’t know. I’ve never had that conversation with anyone that I can remember.  One thing that I’ve noticed that I believe has slightly improved is that I don’t anger as easily when I’m not physically able to do something. Not to say that never happens, especially when I’m tired, I tend to get really frustrated easily. I’m learning to pause, take ...

Hello, welcome to a new week at Humbly Courageous! I’m so glad you are here. I love going to the movies. Anyone else? It’s an instant dopamine boost. It’s dim, comfortable and I’m warm, wrapped up in a few layers and eating a favorite movie snack. What could be better?! I often find myself in that moment wishing I could stay there forever. Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we could stay in our perfect movie scene and never leave?   Or, how about when your mind wanders to a beautiful memory of the past and you are so close to that memory that you can hear it, feel it. I love that. I think to myself, I   just want to stay here forever and not face some of my realities. I admit , I’m a nostalgiaholic. My boys are so grown up. I’ve    got one a junior in college and my baby boy is a senior in high school. Just the thought of him leaving brings immediate tears to my eyes. My goodness, time is truly a thief. There is nothing within our humanly power to stop it. Most of us...